Baby, oh Baby?
Rosie Roessler is a mother of 3 and loving wife. She currently works full-time in the property management field and in her spare time she coordinates the South Broward YOPD support group and works on making lasting memories for her family. She lives by the motto “Not every day is perfect, but there are perfect moments in every day.” Rosie also runs a support group on Facebook for YOPD caregivers; email her if you would like to join it.
As caregivers we all know our tasks: clean the house, do the dishes (because one too many have been dropped by our “PD loves”) get the kids dressed, get the kids to sleep, cook the meals, help cut the meats, help our “PD loves” up, help them down, help them get dressed, fold the clothes (because what I can do in 15 minutes takes him 6 hours), help with homework, help them shave (shaky hands cause big scrapes) and, for us young onset caregivers, go to work full time and in some spare time try our best to take care of ourselves. So why would any sane person even entertain the idea of adding to the crazy by bringing in a new bundle of baby?
Well, to tell you the truth, I don’t know. For me largely it’s to build a family that will be there beyond the years. So when I am older I will still have my children to surround myself with. A happy for later, if you will. I also so badly don’t want to give Parkinson’s that power over my life. How dare this disease decide something so profound for me? All my life, all I wanted was to be a mom (and I am, I have 3 beautiful, amazing boys that I know I am so fortunate to have as others would love just to have that). I’ve always wanted 4-6 children and ALWAYS thought a girl would surely be in the mix. So far I have been wrong. And that’s ok. When Roger was diagnosed, our children were 9, 4 and 2 (now 13, 8, and 6). It took so much time coming to terms with our new normal that babies didn’t cross my mind until about a year and half ago. Since then it has been an ongoing battle within myself. I have probably talked myself into and talked myself out of adding to our family 1,000 times at least. (For those of you wondering, Roger is perfectly happy with our family as is but has said if I want more he will give me one more sweet baby)
So what is right? Logically, having a baby adds more stress (as it would in any family). Do I need this stress? No. Do I want to be pushed to my limit daily? No. Day care expenses since Roger cannot care for a newborn baby while I work, sleepless nights and working 40-45 hours a week, raising the three we have, it all seems overwhelming. Yet this longing inside, this incompleteness still lingers. The sweet smells of baby, the tiny little hands and toes, this perfectly made person that has Roger’s nose. I just can’t stop wondering, wanting, needing.
Our little bundle that doesn’t even exist has a name whether a boy or a girl, and yet it all seems so irrational. How do I come to peace within myself no matter what the decision is? How do I come to a decision?
Parkinson’s has changed our life in so many ways. Do I let it change this as well? Do I admit to defeat in this battle? I’m really not sure. I’m not waving my white flag just yet, but it is waiting at half-mast.
Posted: 8/7/2014 11:28:35 AM by
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